A Rebirth

2012 was difficult in many ways. One of the most difficult years I've had. I went through the motions after April. It was a bit hazy and here I am in Yellowstone National Park during the winter. A place I was hoping I could just get away and focus on me. And I've done a good job of doing that. My job allows me to work 12 sometimes 14 hours a day. I have kept mostly to myself but still managed to meet people and be myself. I have a hard time forgiving myself for many things in the past. I've thought long and hard about my decisions and the road I'm on and the road I want to be on. So, sort of disappearing into the 'wilderness' was what I needed. 
And so here I am. The final day of 2012. And I know where I want to be. I know the man I want to be. No matter what other people say I know that I am full of goodness. I'm not the Pan. I'm a grown man full of a young spirit that some people only dream of having. I'm not ashamed of that. 2013 - don't be good, be great. 
And so as I look into the future, I will be on my path. A path of greatness. I will forgive myself and let everything go as the sun rises tomorrow. I will fill my soul with positivity. I will not take things personally. I will live the good life. The great life. 

Wolves

My second day in Yellowstone I didn't think was going to be that exciting. I had the morning off because there was a CPR class that most everyone else had to take. So I was asked to do some busy work down in Gardiner. Mammoth and Gardiner are 5 miles apart, down a hill where the road runs next to the Gardner River (yes, spelled differently go figure). The Gardner River is where the "Boiling River" is located. Where a thermal hot spring river runs into the very cold Gardner River making a wonderful place to relax in the warm mineral waters. 
After an hour or so, I was driven back up to Mammoth. But along the way, we spotted a black Wolf. Not completely black but black running from nose to hind just to the middle of him and grey down the rest of him. I say he because he was a big Wolf. Easily 140 pounds if not more. With him were 2 grey females, smaller in size but still very impressive. They watched us watch them for 5 minutes. They couldn't have been more than 50 yards off the road. So close that you could see their eyes looking at you. It was quite intimidating. They were eating off of some carcass which I couldn't make out. Just as we were going to pull away, another grey Wolf came out of the sage and made its way over to the other three. 
It took me four years of leading trips in Yellowstone before I saw my first Wolf. And even then, they were far off in the distance in the Hayden Valley. Tiny specs running around in the sage. You were lucky to see them move at all because they blend so well into their environment. Last May I came through Hayden, which was still covered in snow. In the distance a black male Wolf and his female companion played in the snow. Still very far off but with the snow, very easy to see. I had seen this black male as a pup 3 years before when other wolves had to corral him and almost force him back to the den. He was now the alpha male of his pack. 
When you are in the park, people talk about the winter and how it's very common to see wolves on the roads and very close. I hope I get to have that experience. 

A Special Place

I arrived in Yellowstone National Park at 9:15am after a stay at Chico Hot Springs. A little treat for me before I started my job as a snowcoach driver at Old Faithful. 

I had no idea what to expect. I didn't get a lot of information beforehand. All I knew is that I needed to be here before 10am on this date. 

As I walked in I heard people saying hello to each other, telling them what they had been up to between seasons. Exactly how I am when I see my fellow guides. But this time I was the new guy. Most, if not all, the people working this winter have worked in the park at some point. I am the only driver that hasn't worked in the park this past summer. 

It reminded me a lot of the first day at Mars Hill College. You go in, fill out a ton of paperwork, get your uniform, get your ID picture taken, go fill out more paperwork. 

I finally settled into my dorm. Yes, a dorm. I even have a roommate. I am only here at Mammoth for 2 weeks for training before heading down to Old Faithful and the Snow Lodge. 

We eat in the Employee Dining Room, affectionately called the EDR. It's cafeteria style but decent meals so far. There's even a salad bar. I have made it my goal this winter to eat less and lose all the weight I've put on the past couple of years. There's a gym and a basketball court for employees. I ate alone tonight, just settling in and thinking. 

The past year has been difficult. Last December I was going to get off the road and settle down. That didn't work out and it was a difficult time for me. So I went back to guide for a company that was based in Colorado. Weeklong and more active trips. 

After my season I took a road trip with a very good friend. We had the best trip I have ever taken. I was able to enjoy places I normally wouldn't have been able to really enjoy because I was 'working.' I hadn't laughed like that in a really long time. I was able to really focus on me and what I want in life. You could even say it was a little life changing. 

So, here I am. Focusing on me. Focusing on where I want to be in life. Getting away a bit in an amazing place. A place that many people never get to see in the winter. The weather is unforgiving at times. Average temp in the winter is 9. It's not easy to get here during the winter. There aren't that many tourists. Wildlife is out. And close. Bears, wolves, bobcats, pine martens, bison. You can find a place just for you. A special place. 

June 2012 - Arkansas

Friends.......................Lake Quachita. Hot Springs. Back Porch Saison. Friends knee deep in the water. When we think we are alone, we aren't.
When everything is lost.
When you are at the end.
When life says that's enough.
there are the people that love you.
the people that show you that life is still worth it.
Armor IPA.
Why just be good? Be great.