Adjusting

The past few days have been a serious adjustment. Cars, buildings, asphalt, noise, brown.....

I didn't think I'd react this way. Real life.....

I have things to get done here in Denver but am aching to get back into the wilderness. 

The desert is calling but Yellowstone has my heart. 

I thought it was silly when people would say it would be weird to drive over 35 mph. 

Once I got behind the wheel I thought 40 was 100 mph. I had to look for stoplights. I had

to look for people. I had to watch for other cars. I had to use my brake. It was a strange feeling. 

Still is. I honestly don't know if I'll get used to it. Eight months seems like an eternity. I am hoping

those months will fly by just like the winter season did. I want to be back on my skis. I want to 

feel -20 on my face. I want to see another sunset on Fern. 

But for now I'll wait. Wait out another summer so I can be where I want to be. 

Mentors

I never thought I'd have a mentor. I really didn't even know what that meant.
I'm a 42 year old 'rookie.' But I found someone who took me under their wing. She showed me the ropes. She taught me how to xc ski. She made me feel at home. She made me feel like this is where I belonged. I would say a lot of people don't get her. But for some reason she took me in. She made believe in trust again. She called me on my shit. I even call her out on hers now.
Most would say she isn't caring. But those who know her would completely disagree. She's giving and kind and compassionate.
I can't explain fully in words what she's done for me. I came here to isolate myself. I didn't really even come here to make friends. But in her I have found a best friend. Just when you aren't looking, things start to appear. It's still a long road to find myself. I couldn't have been in a better place. With a better person. She'll never quite understand what she means to me. But I'll tell her every day.

A Rebirth

2012 was difficult in many ways. One of the most difficult years I've had. I went through the motions after April. It was a bit hazy and here I am in Yellowstone National Park during the winter. A place I was hoping I could just get away and focus on me. And I've done a good job of doing that. My job allows me to work 12 sometimes 14 hours a day. I have kept mostly to myself but still managed to meet people and be myself. I have a hard time forgiving myself for many things in the past. I've thought long and hard about my decisions and the road I'm on and the road I want to be on. So, sort of disappearing into the 'wilderness' was what I needed. 
And so here I am. The final day of 2012. And I know where I want to be. I know the man I want to be. No matter what other people say I know that I am full of goodness. I'm not the Pan. I'm a grown man full of a young spirit that some people only dream of having. I'm not ashamed of that. 2013 - don't be good, be great. 
And so as I look into the future, I will be on my path. A path of greatness. I will forgive myself and let everything go as the sun rises tomorrow. I will fill my soul with positivity. I will not take things personally. I will live the good life. The great life. 

Wolves

My second day in Yellowstone I didn't think was going to be that exciting. I had the morning off because there was a CPR class that most everyone else had to take. So I was asked to do some busy work down in Gardiner. Mammoth and Gardiner are 5 miles apart, down a hill where the road runs next to the Gardner River (yes, spelled differently go figure). The Gardner River is where the "Boiling River" is located. Where a thermal hot spring river runs into the very cold Gardner River making a wonderful place to relax in the warm mineral waters. 
After an hour or so, I was driven back up to Mammoth. But along the way, we spotted a black Wolf. Not completely black but black running from nose to hind just to the middle of him and grey down the rest of him. I say he because he was a big Wolf. Easily 140 pounds if not more. With him were 2 grey females, smaller in size but still very impressive. They watched us watch them for 5 minutes. They couldn't have been more than 50 yards off the road. So close that you could see their eyes looking at you. It was quite intimidating. They were eating off of some carcass which I couldn't make out. Just as we were going to pull away, another grey Wolf came out of the sage and made its way over to the other three. 
It took me four years of leading trips in Yellowstone before I saw my first Wolf. And even then, they were far off in the distance in the Hayden Valley. Tiny specs running around in the sage. You were lucky to see them move at all because they blend so well into their environment. Last May I came through Hayden, which was still covered in snow. In the distance a black male Wolf and his female companion played in the snow. Still very far off but with the snow, very easy to see. I had seen this black male as a pup 3 years before when other wolves had to corral him and almost force him back to the den. He was now the alpha male of his pack. 
When you are in the park, people talk about the winter and how it's very common to see wolves on the roads and very close. I hope I get to have that experience. 

A Special Place

I arrived in Yellowstone National Park at 9:15am after a stay at Chico Hot Springs. A little treat for me before I started my job as a snowcoach driver at Old Faithful. 

I had no idea what to expect. I didn't get a lot of information beforehand. All I knew is that I needed to be here before 10am on this date. 

As I walked in I heard people saying hello to each other, telling them what they had been up to between seasons. Exactly how I am when I see my fellow guides. But this time I was the new guy. Most, if not all, the people working this winter have worked in the park at some point. I am the only driver that hasn't worked in the park this past summer. 

It reminded me a lot of the first day at Mars Hill College. You go in, fill out a ton of paperwork, get your uniform, get your ID picture taken, go fill out more paperwork. 

I finally settled into my dorm. Yes, a dorm. I even have a roommate. I am only here at Mammoth for 2 weeks for training before heading down to Old Faithful and the Snow Lodge. 

We eat in the Employee Dining Room, affectionately called the EDR. It's cafeteria style but decent meals so far. There's even a salad bar. I have made it my goal this winter to eat less and lose all the weight I've put on the past couple of years. There's a gym and a basketball court for employees. I ate alone tonight, just settling in and thinking. 

The past year has been difficult. Last December I was going to get off the road and settle down. That didn't work out and it was a difficult time for me. So I went back to guide for a company that was based in Colorado. Weeklong and more active trips. 

After my season I took a road trip with a very good friend. We had the best trip I have ever taken. I was able to enjoy places I normally wouldn't have been able to really enjoy because I was 'working.' I hadn't laughed like that in a really long time. I was able to really focus on me and what I want in life. You could even say it was a little life changing. 

So, here I am. Focusing on me. Focusing on where I want to be in life. Getting away a bit in an amazing place. A place that many people never get to see in the winter. The weather is unforgiving at times. Average temp in the winter is 9. It's not easy to get here during the winter. There aren't that many tourists. Wildlife is out. And close. Bears, wolves, bobcats, pine martens, bison. You can find a place just for you. A special place. 

June 2012 - Arkansas

Friends.......................Lake Quachita. Hot Springs. Back Porch Saison. Friends knee deep in the water. When we think we are alone, we aren't.
When everything is lost.
When you are at the end.
When life says that's enough.
there are the people that love you.
the people that show you that life is still worth it.
Armor IPA.
Why just be good? Be great.

Leaving

I love to visit. But most of all I hate to leave. I recently took a road trip and visited some friends I hadn't seen in a long time. One I hadn't seen in 14 years. She got married and has 3 awesome kids. I was only coming in for the night. 14 hours. When I arrived (later than I thought I would've been there) she had soup on and a cold beer waiting. It was like no time had passed and I had just seen her last week. We caught up for a moment, talked about old friends and then headed down to Tootsie's in downtown Nashville. It was a Monday and it was packed wall to wall. Two bands played, separated by a wall and a set of stairs. We found a table at the top of the stairs so we could hear the mash-up of both bands as we yelled at each other across the table. The thing I love about M is that even though we haven't seen each other in years, we can catch each other up on our lives fairly quickly and then talk about relevant things going on in our lives. We don't spend the entire time reliving the past. I can tell her stories about travel and she can tell me stories about how cool of a mom she is but then we just sit and talk. And not small talk either. I've always had that connection with her. It was funny to hear her say that she never really let anybody get close to her while at college. I considered her a close friend back then and so it was weird to think that she felt that way. One of my favorite memories in college (and of all time) is waking up at dawn and having a coffee on the deck of her cabin in Helen, Georgia, watching the mist rise up in the Rhododendron forest. It is possibly one of the most peaceful times in my life and I was able to share that with friends I held dear to me .

I drove out of Nashvegas with a can of coffee ("Friends don't let friends drink bad coffee") and a Nashvegas Gothic magnet in hand. I drove away, both sad and happy. I wish I hadn't let so much time come between us. 

I drove in the rain, going to see my dear friend, F, in Little Rock. The rain started to come down about 2 hours outside of the city. Traffic, rain and an accident left me two hours behind schedule. I couldn't remember the last time I saw F. He and HPF had a baby boy, Rome, 11 months ago. I felt like a horrible friend not coming to see them sooner. When I showed up to Vino's, the boys were halfway to two sheets to the wind. I will always remember the smile on his face when I walked in the door. He was so excited for me to meet his boy that was named after a great woman. He was about to burst with excitement, so much so that his eyes started to tear up. It was what he had been waiting for his whole life. But there was IPA to drink first. Every time we've gotten together in the past has been an epic hike or a week spent at the cabin or a week on the Little Red, fishing for trout and drinking more beer than we should. This time was different. We stood on the back deck and as I watched him smoke his cigarette, I downed my third beer and thought to myself, 'why do I feel that I've been a horrible friend?' He would never admit that I had been and if I did say that to him, he'd shrug it off but I felt that I've been very distant and selfish for a long time now. But as a best friend does, he says it's no big deal and enjoys the time we have right now. We drink another pitcher at my insistence and then head to another bar. We walk in and a song from our past is playing. "Change" by Blind Melon. It's the anthem to our group of friends. Anybody who's ever spent time at Mic's place knows it by heart. My eyes get watery and my breath is taken away. I love times like these. Drunk with memories as if they were a dream. The kid that played the song couldn't get over the fact that we actually knew the song and were so blown away that it was playing. He thought we were fucking with him and insisted that we were until we looked him square in the eyes and said, you have no idea how much this song means to us. I felt like one of those old men, sitting on a porch, telling stories to kids that were just finding their way. We sang at the top of our lungs to the five or so people in the bar. We finished our Guinness and against better judgement, drove home. 

We stumbled in the house and made our way upstairs. We snuck not so quietly into Rome's bedroom to see him. F touched his head and he immediately woke up crying. We left the room and let him fall quickly back to sleep. I was glad that's how I first met him. It will make for a great story when he gets older. We wouldn't..... couldn't have it any other way. 

I spent five days with the family. It was a nice change of pace. I watched Rome as he discovered new things and smiled at just about everything. I watched as his proud Papa held him dearly. I can tell he wants to tell him so much right now. He'll have to wait. But F tells him anyway. He'll tell him again and again over the years. Our stories are what makes us who we are. It's all we have really. 

My story is that I found that I need to be a better friend. That I need to keep in touch better and let myself be open and honest with the people close to my heart. I don't want to miss out on the happiness of my friends and the joys that occur in their lives. 

As I drove out of the driveway and headed into the Western sun, my heart filled with sadness. I hate being so far away from the friends that mean the most to me. I've never connected with anybody the way I did with the people that came into my life in my college days or in my early 20's. It's my own fault really. I was holding on to the past. I didn't let anybody get close. And I didn't think I could find friends like that again. Maybe I thought it was going to be too much emotional investment. And in the meantime, I've distanced myself from those people that are close to me. So, I'm ok with leaving now. Because I know that I'll come back sooner rather than later. 

i started to tell everyone about you. 

but i'm afraid they will think this is just another conquest

or chasing a dream or just another girl that has come

into my life that means nothing. i will admit i've had a few of those. 

i'm telling you this (not about conquests or women i've been with)

because i trust you. because i believe in you. because i believe in us! 

because i know there is an "us" in all of this. 

i'm sure i've told them all this before. 

'there's this girl you see, and she is amazing and....'

and? and here jay goes again. 

but what makes this different? 

i'm here, you're there. 

it's been 16 years. 

how can i miss you so much? 

i rush home just to see if i get a response. 

what makes all this so different? 

am i just chasing a dream.......again? 

everything is so cloudy and confusing but 

so clear and coherent. 

i stand at the edge of this abyss. 

did i tell you i'm afraid of the edge now? 

i don't like to get near them. 

yet, here i am. 

standing here. looking over  

into something i can't see 

and something i can't make any sense from.

and i feel a calmness over my soul. 

knowing that it will be ok. 

they say the pain gets easier. i disagree. it's always there. 

there is always a piece of sadness that stays with you, 

in your heart.......

forever. 

have you ever gone back to the wall in asheville?

i did. 

sweet sorrow.....

they painted over my love in plain, boring white paint. 

the memory of her is always there. 

i stood and remembered her as tears from those memories poured down my face. 

it all gets put away...

hidden.....

kept in that secret place where memories of lost lovers stay. 
what can we do? accept it? cherish it? 

i say mourn it. 

wonder what would've been. 

what could've been. 

what should've been. 

what would've been.

the poet's heart is dark and miserable.

it can't be any other way. 

we thrive on the pain. 

we live in the pain. 

it's what makes us feel alive.

live in the now she says......

how can i when all i want is to remember us when we were

happy and free and loved each other like no other. 

remember standing on that wall? 

screaming from the depths of our souls.....

our young, innocent and unassuming souls.

love was but a dream then.

years later i felt that love that

had long since faded. 

and love shined on us and your blue eyes

sparkled in the sun. 

but that is all a distant memory now. 

and yet, here i stay with you. beside you. 

loving you from afar. 

hoping you'll come back to me

and fill me up with the joy and love 

that encompasses our souls. 

Alone

"i thought the time was passed when i could 
find beauty in a birds 
i set the stage and the scenery 
rehearsing every word 
yeah but when i tried to make it more 
well it was always less 
and it's a thin line between pleasing yourself 
and pleasing somebody else 

with my confidence on fire 
i set to fixin' up my roles 
my separation of desires 
just left me deeper down in the hole 
yeah when i tried to make it more 
well it was always less 
and it's a thin line between pleasing yourself 
and pleasing somebody else 
yeah and when i tried to make it more 
well it was always less 
it's a thin line between pleasing yourself 
and pleasing somebody else 
now i'm tryin to get back 
to what i know that i should be 
hoping to God that i was just 
a temporary absentee 
yeah when i tried to make it more 
well it was always less 
it's a thin line between pleasing yourself 
and pleasing somebody else 
yeah when i tried to make it more 
well it was always less 
and it's a thin line between pleasing yourself 
and pleasing somebody else"


The lyrics that Amy Ray and Emily Sailers write always seem to know how my heart is feeling and where my mind is.
This song seems to speak to me at this point in my life. I realized that I've never really been alone in my life. I'm not talking about being lonely, but about being ok with not being in a relationship or with a significant other. It's weird to think that. Since I can remember I've never really been alone or for that matter, I've never been ok with wanting to be alone. I've never thought of myself as being co-dependent but maybe I am. Maybe I need someone always by me. That's not a good thing. I need to be ok with being alone before I can really give myself 100% into a lasting relationship. As time has passed I've always relied or counted on the woman I was dating. It was always so easy to get into a relationship and make it feel comfy and natural. But there always seemed to be something missing. And now I want to find out what that 'something' is. I have to continue to tell myself every day that it's ok to be by myself. It's ok not to have someone to call or have someone to come home to. This path is a good one. The sun is shining through the clouds. And I can finally start to feel the warmth on my soul.

For Just One Day

January 3, 2008

Never in a thousand years did I think I'd be spending New Year's in Cambodia. I'm much too old for the party, techno scene, and in recent years I haven't made it to midnight, which has been fine with me. Liz, Abby and I planned to have a Mexican Fiesta (as a bit of a joke) for dinner, top it off with some margarita's and then usher in the New Year on Pub Street in Siem Reap, home of the famous Angkor Wat Temples. As we sat down at Viva, we took a table outside, knowing full well that we would be hounded by street beggars and the kid con-men that come by selling whatever they have. Surrounding us were tourists with their party hats on, glimmering under the low-lit street lights. As soon as we sat down, three young street kids came and stared at us. Liz, being the friendly, outgoing, compassionate person she is, started talking to the kids. She immediately asked if they wanted something to eat.

What you need to know about Cambodia is that it is poor--the poorest place I've ever visited. And Siem Reap is world's better than Phenom Phen, where we stayed for 3 days (2 days too many). We read that it's better not to give the street people money but rather to give it to places that can distribute the money to the poor. The idea is to not perpetuate the begging, and in my view, they don't want the tourists to be "turned off."

The kids, a 12 year old boy, an 11 year old girl and an 8 year old girl, immediately said yes. They were small children. The 8 year old looked as old as the 12 year old. They were dirty and barefoot in the trash and urine that dominates the streets. I hesitated, not knowing if the restaurant would mind, but Liz was having none of it and directed me to grab a couple of chairs as the kids would be joining us. Not long after, the wait staff was looking at us strangely and amusedly. They didn't seem to believe what was happening. All the partiers and tourists would never do this. Before we could even look to see what they were getting, they were ordering their food. We sat there with them and spoke in broken English as they repeated everything we were saying to them. "Hello. Thank you. I'm good." They were possibly the cutest kids we had ever seen. The 8 year old was missing both her front teeth and had black curly hair and the best smile you have ever seen. She was smart, copying every word we wrote on the paper with great concentration. The 11 year old was quiet but kept an eye on her brother and her cousin. Her shy smile was innocent, which is not a common sight in Cambodia. We wondered where their parents were. We wondered why they were on the streets. We wondered if they had been part of the devestating sex industry that rules the country. We hoped for the best for these children although we knew that after this night, after one night of not having to beg, that they would be destined for a life going nowhere, with no future in sight. We rang in the new year with roman candles and lots of drunk tourists dancing around to techno music and stood there and watched, then headed back to the guesthouse a little after midnight. We told the kids to meet us at our guesthouse the next day at 10am so we could buy them clothes and shoes. They must've understood because when we came back from breakfast they were there waiting, with another little one in tow. This little boy was 4 and was just as cute as the other ones. The kids were cleaned up, and we were surprised (and pleased) that their mother was along to see what people were taking their kids all around town. We did wonder where she had been last night but at least she was here. We took the kids to eat in the market and, as we sat with the locals the kids ate and ate. You could see the tight sense of family as the 12 year old boy fed his cousin and cleaned his face off, which was covered in pieces of rice. We let the kids finish but not before some weird whispers and words from the young guy sitting across from us. He would look over at me and say something I couldn't understand and then giggle and give me a creepy smile. I'm sure it was something about being a white male in his 30's with young Cambodian kids and sex. It seems to be completely okay with the general population, but that is another story all unto itself. After we left the table, we headed to get them some shoes but detoured to the sunglasses case where we thought, "why not?" and bought all the kids sunglasses. Most people don't wear them here so it was a nice treat for them, and they loved it. Next, it was time to try on shoes. We took up the entire aisle of the market, and since the kids didn't have shoes anyway, we had them pick out what they liked and of course sized them up and had shoes thrown everywhere in the aisle at the market. We didn't care because we wanted these kids to have one normal day of being just a kid. After we bought them shoes, we headed directly to get them a new outfit. I felt a little out of place, but the girls did a great job in picking out cute clothes and helping the kids dress. I had to get Liz to help me take the 12 year old to get an outfit, as I felt like I would get looks of disgust picking out an outfit for a young boy. The kids tried on all sorts of clothes until we found the ones that looked the best. The 4 year old didn't care and just did what he was told and looked absolutely adorable in anything he tried on. They were happy and being kids. They certainly knew what was going on and just seeing the smiles on their faces was thanks enough. They were happy. I put the 4 year old on my shoulders and carried him through the streets with the other kids laughing and dragging Liz and Abby by the hands. The little boy was grinning from ear to ear and had put his chin down on the top of my head. I thought he was falling asleep, but I believe he was just enjoying the moment. We took them back to the guesthouse where a Tuk Tuk driver was waiting for them to take them home. We had arranged a ride for them so they could get the full experience. We stood there in the driveway, saddened but smiling, as they waved goodbye to us. The rest of the day, we missed them. We wish we could've done more. Maybe played games with them for a while. Just spent more time with them. It was the best start of a new year you could ask for. I was helping children with two other wonderful people, trying to make a difference...even if for just one day.

Welcome to Thailand

Saturday, December 22, 2007
Welcome to Thailand

My 11 hour flight from Los Angeles to Tokyo was what you would call... long. I knew it would be a lengthy flight when the Boulderite hippie, with his long, stringy, red hair and unkempt beard started to hum, chant, sing—whatever it was—just high enough to hear and low enough to be annoying. I fell quickly asleep but was soon awakened after an hour or so by a kick to the lower back. I could feel both knees pressed firmly against my back.
I was already exhausted by the frantic morning; we had bombed down I-70 to the airport in a mere 20 minutes from downtown, quite a feat—I can attest that my brother is checking his temper better than ever. Then I had run through the terminal to the gate like OJ.
I assumed my crooked-neck sleep for another 30 minutes before I felt a hand pull hardily on the back of my chair. Said hippie needed to get up, and not wanting to disturb the petite Japanese girls next to him as he crawled over them ever so gently, he yanked on my chair. I flew up out of the seat trying to figure out where I was. There needs to be a video just after the safety video that states how people should get out of their seats without disturbing the passenger in front of them. This is quite an amazing spectacle as I've witnessed this and been subjected to this numerous times. What is it that people can't just get up out of their seats, use their seat to get up, maybe even use their armrest to get out of their seats? I mean, even the people on the aisle use this gawd awful technique. Do these people not realize that there is actually someone in the seat in front of them? These are the same people that drag their over sized luggage down the aisle, hitting everyone's knees, rolling over their feet and then trying to pick up the dead yak they've carried on, dropping the corner of the suitcase on the guy below them, not saying, "sorry, excuse me," or even acknowledging that they've just dropped 150 pounds on someone. Then of course, everyone watches them as they try to find an angle to push this behemoth of a bag into the tiny space above. You know when these people were little children they tried to fit the square block into the triangle hole and wouldn't give up until they completely hammered it dumb to fit.
As it was, I fell back to sleep only to wake in time to watch Santa Clause 3 and The Simpsons. What a Christmas treat!
I landed in Tokyo on Thursday at 4:30pm (remember I left at 6am on Wednesday) and had an hour layover before boarding the 7 1/2 hour flight to Bangkok. I walked in circles the entire time trying to tire myself out. The flight to Bangkok was better and uneventful. I arrived in Bangkok at midnight and waited in line for an hour before cruising through Customs—the easiest time I’ve ever had with them!
It was now 1:30am, and I thought about getting a hotel room for four hours to shower and rest, but I thought better of it, knowing I'd certainly sleep through my 7am flight to Phuket.
I sat on the only cushioned chair available (most of the other ones were metal), plopped down next to Adam and a sleeping Isabelle. They were Aussie's traveling to Myanmar (Burma for those of you in the Bush administration). They told me about the hassle of border crossing and the excitement of traveling there. I fell asleep on my backpack for an hour before waking to the noise of people checking in for their flights at 5am.
The flight to Phuket was a short hour and a half. I picked up my pack and walked outside where I was hoping to see my name on a sign for a car that I had hired prior to my arrival. No luck, so I chose one of the many taxi drivers that were walking past me, whispering, "Taxi please. Taxi, where you go?"
The driver raced down the "highway" and had me in Khao Lak in about an hour, typically a two-hour drive.
He dropped me off at the Jerung Guesthouse where Liz was waiting for me. So I could get on the right sleep schedule, I stayed up the rest of the day.
We headed directly to the beach, about a quarter mile walk from the main drag and the guesthouse.
Khao Lak is said to be the hardest hit from the tsunami 3 years ago. They have done an amazing job restoring the beachfront. New hotels and bars are going up everywhere. It’s in better shape than ever, replanted palm trees lining the beach.
After just a few minutes in the sun, I needed to hit the shade, having already felt the redness on my shoulders and back. The beach stretches for miles to the north as far as the eye can see, with rocks jutting out of the ocean along the way. To the south, the beach bends towards the ocean where a mountain rises out of the water, reminiscent of a very heavily forested Diamond Head in Hawaii, but not as large.
It's peaceful now, but I met a woman that survived the tsunami. Her boyfriend and his parents perished in the wave. She managed to get entangled in the debris, somehow getting her head out of the water and climbed a tree to survive. She has no recollection of climbing the tree. She had massive cuts on her arm, half her scalp had been opened up, all of her clothes were completely ripped off and she broke her back. She still managed to climb the tree. Since then, she has been back every year to help, but this was her first time back down to the beach. She talked openly about her experience, pointed to the tree where she climbed, "it was over there, but it's been torn down now." As she sat in the sand, looking out into the water (she didn’t go in just yet), her eyes told the frightening story of hope and determination.
As I look out over the water, I am reminded how precious my life is and how lucky I am to be in this place at this time. I take a deep breath and watch the sun sink slowly to the horizon, my favorite time at any beach. The breeze is refreshing. The palms leaves are singing, and I close my eyes for a minute. I smile as Liz says, "Let's go get some curry."
Welcome to Thailand...

A map of Thailand

My brother pulled up a google Earth map to show where I'll be in Thailand.

where i am.....

i talked to liz today and she has set up a great opportunity to get involved with the tsunami restoration there in thailand.
for those of you that would like to look on a map as to where i'll be -
i'm flying from bangkok, south to phuket. it's an hour flight. from there i will take a bus
or if i feel up to haggling, a taxi, 2 1/2 hours north to the town of khaolak. it was hardest hit
by the tsunami. i will be helping to rebuild, teaching english and taking photographs. at least
this is what liz said i would be doing. it will be a great intro to teaching, as i am nervous to just jump right in. we will be there for 2 weeks. we will get a place for christmas and spoil ourselves a bit for a couple of days until after the new year. the town of khaolak is close to a lot of national parks, amazing waterfalls and great diving. padi certification is only $300 for a 4 day course. liz is already certified so i will have a dive partner. the best diving is just off the coast. i will of course be writing if all of this is true in the upcoming weeks.
right now i'm in washington dc and going to be meeting with a national geographic editor tomorrow at 9:30am. she said she'd introduce me to the photo editors. i have my photo cd portfolio and my business card and of course my charm and wittiness to win them over.
i spent last night at happy hour with a woman that is a journalist for bill moyers and a couple of girls that work for the brookings institute. dc is an amazing place. did you know that if you live inside dc that you don't have a vote for president? and they don't have anybody in congress as a voice for them. do you know what that means? yes, taxation without representation.
it is certainly a hotbed with the primaries coming up and the buzz is exciting. everybody here is very in touch with what is going on and it was interesting to hear the take on why journalists aren't pushing forward and asking the hard questions and speaking out. let's just say there are a lot of egos and even if you do speak out you are subsequently shut out from press conferences, etc.... it is true. i don't believe we are living in a completely free society. i'm not saying we're a fascist nation but it seems slowly we are having our rights taken from us right under our noses and we have no idea.
i'll be sure to expand on this over more drinks (very expensive drinks at that) in the next few days.

thanks to you for all your amazing and kind words. i'll be printing them out and carrying them with me on this journey. i'm also deciding if i am going to follow my grandfather's steps into northern assam and india when i am there. there is a great story about the duffla indians to which nobody has heard of except for my grandfather. i have the arrows and arrow case to prove it.

happy trails,
jayb

the journey begins.......

i have purchased my flight to thailand and will be leaving on december 19th to tokyo and arriving in bangkok at midnight on the 21st.
i'm scared to death, but excited to death. i think i always get like this before i leave the country. i was like that when i first arrived into mexico city. but after a few hours i was roaming the streets like i'd been there for years. i don't think i'm like this when i'm going somewhere with someone. maybe it's my 'guide' instinct that pumps up my confidence and i feel at ease because i'm having to take care of someone else. i'll be heading to phuket or krabi beach in the southern islands first. i'll be bringing my harness and hopefully some climbing shoes and hope to meet up with some expert climbers so i can tag along with my beginner climbing ass. i have a feeling it will be like the first time i surfed at new symrna and the experts were yelling "hey grommet, get the hell off my wave!" that sure does bring back some great memories. haha.
i'll be sure to be posting here once i arrive. maybe it can be a 'rucksack thailand?'
this trip is somewhat of a cleansing for me. it will be good to immerse myself in another culture, learn more about me and focus on just me.
i'll take a deep breath just before i get off the plane and close my eyes to take that first step into another great new adventure.

happy trails,
jay b