Alone

"i thought the time was passed when i could 
find beauty in a birds 
i set the stage and the scenery 
rehearsing every word 
yeah but when i tried to make it more 
well it was always less 
and it's a thin line between pleasing yourself 
and pleasing somebody else 

with my confidence on fire 
i set to fixin' up my roles 
my separation of desires 
just left me deeper down in the hole 
yeah when i tried to make it more 
well it was always less 
and it's a thin line between pleasing yourself 
and pleasing somebody else 
yeah and when i tried to make it more 
well it was always less 
it's a thin line between pleasing yourself 
and pleasing somebody else 
now i'm tryin to get back 
to what i know that i should be 
hoping to God that i was just 
a temporary absentee 
yeah when i tried to make it more 
well it was always less 
it's a thin line between pleasing yourself 
and pleasing somebody else 
yeah when i tried to make it more 
well it was always less 
and it's a thin line between pleasing yourself 
and pleasing somebody else"


The lyrics that Amy Ray and Emily Sailers write always seem to know how my heart is feeling and where my mind is.
This song seems to speak to me at this point in my life. I realized that I've never really been alone in my life. I'm not talking about being lonely, but about being ok with not being in a relationship or with a significant other. It's weird to think that. Since I can remember I've never really been alone or for that matter, I've never been ok with wanting to be alone. I've never thought of myself as being co-dependent but maybe I am. Maybe I need someone always by me. That's not a good thing. I need to be ok with being alone before I can really give myself 100% into a lasting relationship. As time has passed I've always relied or counted on the woman I was dating. It was always so easy to get into a relationship and make it feel comfy and natural. But there always seemed to be something missing. And now I want to find out what that 'something' is. I have to continue to tell myself every day that it's ok to be by myself. It's ok not to have someone to call or have someone to come home to. This path is a good one. The sun is shining through the clouds. And I can finally start to feel the warmth on my soul.